Evening Comes

Both children are asleep, my bread is rising and I’m sitting alone in the house flipping channels and aimlessly searching the internet.  Jonathan’s working his first closing shift at Chick-Fil-A and when he told me about it I was excited.  I was excited about having him home during the kids awake hours.  I was excited about having a quiet evening at home.  I was excited about the possibilities. . .

. . . right up until he kissed me good bye and walked out the door at 3:00 this afternoon.  I was completely unprepared for the wave of sadness that swept over me.  This is the first time in four years that my husband has gone to work without me.  It’s the first time in the mackerdoodle’s life (and I suppose the cheesedoodle’s as well) that he has gone to work without her.

I am officially a stay-at-home-mom – a job I spent years begging the Lord for – and I love it.  I love that my kitchen is tidy and my laundry is folded, and I didn’t have anyone coming to see the house or visit us to make me do that.  I love that I am the one potty training my daughter.  I love that I adjusted my husband’s collar over his bright red Chick-Fil-A tie before he left.

I love that my husband has a job.  I love that he feels that he has a purpose, and is proud of the company for which he works.  I love that he left for work with a bounce in his step and a smile on his face.  I love that he is developing a skill that will help him get a job if/when he makes it to seminary.

But I couldn’t help but feel a sense of helplessness as he drove off to work this afternoon, with the mackerdoodle waving out the window to the disappearing van.  I really believed that we would be in St. Louis by now and that I would be kissing my husband goodbye on his way to seminary.  Instead, he’s off to work at a job that, frankly, won’t pay our bills, and I’m at home cleaning a kitchen that no one wants to look at or buy.  There’s so much to praise the Lord for – so much to love about my current circumstances – but this evening I’m reminded of what isn’t, as well as what is, and I wonder . . .

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About Coralie

After 11 years of infertility, I am now a mother to three, a wife of a Presbyterian (ARP) preacher and a struggling homemaker. Welcome to my little corner of the net. Kick off your shoes, put your feet up and join the conversation. View all posts by Coralie

6 responses to “Evening Comes

  • Tera Montgomery

    As glad that I am that Loran is spending his free time with me and not you guys (:-) Thank you BTW!) I wish he had a job. The financial stress is starting to tell. But, as I am always reminded when I read your blog, God has a plan that we can’t possibly imagine. Just think…what if Jonathan is meant to be at Chick Fil A for this season so that he can speak one kind word (or a few) to someone that will eventually change their lives forever?
    Nothing is too big or small for God. I am excited to watch and see what great things God has in store for you and your family. We are praying for strength for you and for interest in your abode.

  • Jawan

    Did he smell like chicken and peanut oil when he got home? There’s a welcome home smell for ya.

  • Dad

    Coralie:
    This story made me think back to when you were just turning 6 and we were deciding to send you to the Christian school or not. It didn’t appear that we had the funds to make current commitments plus a new monthly fee for the Christian school.
    We prayed and stewed and your mom asked me how we could afford the tuition fees. My response that time was could we afford not to pay the tuition fees? Your mom agreed and you went. God provided the fees and the ability to pay the other commitments we had such as building a new house during record interest rates. God does provide, I know you realize this and right now you are just feeling down but maybe this will help you remember the past a little farther back than you normally would.
    I hope it helps.

  • Marianne

    I just want to tell you that you’re amazing. I’m praying for you. And I so wish you lived near Chicago!

  • Carole

    I was just re-reading your dad’s comment, and feeling grateful to God for this dear,wise man. Something else occurred to me as I pondered..your Jonathan is also such a man…God has given you 2 wonderful men to guide you..what a great blessing and encouragement

  • Melinda

    Cor…thinking of you…I understand that feeling as Ron works 16 hours a day minimum…i am grateful that you got to have those 4 years working with him and that Mac got to spend the first two years of her life going to work with him…it will be an adjustment for sure…but it will be good too….thinking of you

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