Last week my phone was making a strange sound. It wasn’t a low battery alarm, or a voice mail alert. It certainly wasn’t ringing, and I hadn’t missed a call. Nevertheless, my hot pink Razr was alerting me to something. After an embarrassing length of time we realized that I had a text message. Our friends Joe and Danielle had sent a text message announcing the birth of their daughter. I was of course completely thrilled for them. You know, once I joined them in the current century.
A day later my internet went out. I called the tech support and asked them if the internet pipes were frozen. The tech support wasn’t impressed. “That’s not how it works ma’am,” said the unimpressed guy on the other end. Turns out the cable modem was bad, but it took until the next Monday to find that out.
So last week I would find myself without internet at really awkward moments. At one of those moments my phone made the same strange sound. I had received TWO text messages in one week! This one was from my good friend Jawan and I needed more information. Another friend was really hurting and I didn’t have any details! I couldn’t e-mail because my internet pipes were frozen. I couldn’t call her because it was 10:30 and my Cheesedoodle was calling urgently for food and I didn’t know if she’d still be awake (or if I’d still be awake) when I was finished feeding him. I couldn’t text her back because . . . I have absolutely NO IDEA how to send a text message from my phone.
Yes. I am roughly 98 years old.