I Get It. I Get It.

When I was five months pregnant with the mackerdoodle, I was sitting in my sister’s kitchen in Atlantic Canada talking about babies and family and what was in store for us.  Melissa’s youngest child “Bess” was nine months old or so and sitting on the kitchen floor at our feet.  During the conversation Melissa said, “It’s sad to me to think that Bess might be the last baby we would have.”  To be honest, I was shocked.  I was eagerly anticipating the mackerdoodle’s arrival, but I wondered how someone with four children could think it sad not to have more.  I couldn’t wrap my brain around it.

When the mackerdoodle was nine or ten months old I was in the same house, helping Melissa pack to move to Central Canada.  As she put Bess’ clothes in a box for my mackerdoodle, she told me again that it was sad to her to be giving me these clothes, thinking that Bess was possibly her last baby.  At that point I knew with Bess just about two it was the longest stretch of time in eight years my sister had gone without being pregnant.  I didn’t understand how leaving that cycle of pregnant/nursing/pregnant/nursing etc. behind was a source of grieving for her.  I couldn’t wrap my brain around it.

Three weeks ago my friend Danielle had a beautiful baby girl.  I stopped by to visit when little S. was a week old, and I saw the little bundle wrapped up in the bassinet, and I thought of my (then almost) crawling, 27 inch long great big boy at home and I thought. . .

“I want another baby.”

I get it.  I understand how brief that first year is, and how very brief that new born stage is.  I understand that temptation to just want a perpetual supply of baby giggles, baby milestones, baby cuddles.  I understand now that every baby brings something new and wonderful into a family, and grows the love exponentially.  I get it.

I also get that every baby grows into a child who requires a lifetime of nurturing and training in righteousness.  I get how easily children can become idols in our lives to which we sacrifice the affections that rightly belong to God.  I get that God calls us to good stewardship in all areas of our life.

So I understand why my sister wanted (wants) a fifth baby, and I understand why she and my brother-in-law chose not to pursue that right now.   I understand why she would be sad to think of no more baby giggles, and I understand why they didn’t let their emotions make such an important decision for them.  I get it.

I really, really get it.


About Coralie

After 11 years of infertility, I am now a mother to three, a wife of a Presbyterian (ARP) preacher and a struggling homemaker. Welcome to my little corner of the net. Kick off your shoes, put your feet up and join the conversation. View all posts by Coralie

5 responses to “I Get It. I Get It.

  • AJU5's Mom

    We are currently on the fence with whether AJU6 will be our last or not. We always thought we would have tow and that is it, but while I was prgnant with him, both my husband and I thought we MIGHT try for a third. The hardest thing is to put how many children you have in God’s hands and know without a doubt that He is saying stop or keep going. But, we are trying…

  • Tera Montgomery

    Amen, sister.

    I want one more…but. But my job. But my weight. But my age. But the money. But the chances…oh, the chances that another baby might not be so healthy as the two we have.
    But oh the babiness of babies 🙂

  • Tera Montgomery

    And I say that as I sit at home for the morning because Ankica got sick in the middle of the night and I can’t take her to the children’s center because of what she MIGHT have but I still have to teach class at 11am. She will be coloring peacefully (I hope) while I teach.

    And she is three. What if she was three months? Ah well.

  • Lauralee

    I thought having 4 in 5yrs had cured me of that baby itch. And it wasn’t until Ashley was 3 that I thought about another baby. But I let it go and got my baby fixes by cuddling little nephews and the babies of my friends.
    Then one day, Ash now 6yrs old, surprise!! I really wasn’t ready and it was like having the first one all over again. We love it, she’s 1yr now and we’d love to have another one! She brings so much joy to us all. But do we dare!

  • Jodi

    I would LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!! to have another one. But before Emma was born we had discussed having a tubal ligation because at the time we thought it would be to much of a risk having another baby born early or something happening to me.

    Now that we know I would probably have a normal pregnancy, what i would not give to have another chance at it.

    I get it too.


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