The last month or so of pregnancy is a very humbling time for me. It’s not so much being the size of a water buffalo, and the shape of Jabba the Hut, although that’s part of it. Really the humbling part of these weeks is how enormously it magnifies the extent of my own depravity. Normally an impatient person, I am currently almost unbearably so. My laziness is reaching almost proverbial proportions and my attitude? Imagine a pity party crossed with Oscar the Grouch. I could blame it on being tired. I could blame it on low energy, or low blood pressure, or just being generally uncomfortable, but here’s the truth: those things are just showing what’s in my heart already.
Mitch, our pastor in Georgia, talks about our Christian walk as a dance. We can either dance the 2-step: fail/try harder, or we can do the gospel waltz: repent/believe/fight.
It’s tempting right now to do the 2-step and say, “I’ve just got to be more patient and less lazy and quit complaining.” It’s easy to SAY, but impossible to do.
Instead I need to waltz through these last few weeks of pregnancy and subsequent weeks of newborn mamahood. I need to repent of my impatience, laziness and grumbling. I need to believe that right now, while I’m feeling physically and spiritually weak, Christ is strong enough to keep me from grumbling and complaining, just like he is when I’m at the “top of my game” and somehow feeling like I’m being good all by myself. Finally I need to fight, by preaching the gospel to myself moment by moment.
It’s not every day you hear a woman in her 38th week of pregnancy declare the need to waltz, but here I go, stepping into the waltz, where Jesus leads, provides the music, and lets me just stand on his feet and enjoy the dance. Even when I’m the size of a water buffalo and the shape of Jabba the Hut.
What an awesome savior.