Still Here

Well, it’s the due date. I’m ready. She’s not here yet. I’m still waiting.

I’ve been more impatient with this pregnancy than with the others, and it got to a point on Thursday and Friday that I was just angry that she wasn’t here yet. This was primarily because of the painfully intense (and yet irregular and thereby inconvenient) contractions I have been having. Knowing that I hadn’t progressed at all, I kept feeling as if all the pain was useless, as if I was “suffering” for no purpose at all.

On Sunday our pastor preached on Matthew 16:21-23. He phrased Peter’s response to Jesus this way,
“Can’t we have the Kingdom, have this life you’re promising us, without the suffering and the pain?” Doesn’t that just define western contemporary culture? It certainly defines too much of my outlook on life. I was convicted about being angry with my contractions. They are serving a purpose. At the end of this I will have a beautiful daughter who has been created uniquely by God for specific good works. That’s certainly worth a few contractions, isn’t it?

Finally, I was further chastened when I was informed in my weekly exam today that I have in fact dilated to 2 cm. “I guess those contractions are starting to do their job.” he said to me, unaware that he was being a further voice of the Holy Spirit to me.

So I wait out the irregular contractions, hoping that this one will be the beginning of the real thing, and I am reminded of Romans 8:21-23

. . . the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22For we know that(B) the whole creation(C) has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have(D) the firstfruits of the Spirit,(E) groan inwardly as(F) we wait eagerly for adoption as sons,(G) the redemption of our bodies.

The pain of this world, just like the pain of my contractions,  is not useless. It reminds us that this world is not our permanent state. Unlike the pregnant woman who is waiting to deliver someone else, the pain of this world reminds us that we are the ones waiting to be delivered into a perfect kingdom.

I’m waiting to deliver the snickerdoodle.

I’m waiting to be delivered.

I’m still here.

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About Coralie

After 11 years of infertility, I am now a mother to three, a wife of a Presbyterian (ARP) preacher and a struggling homemaker. Welcome to my little corner of the net. Kick off your shoes, put your feet up and join the conversation. View all posts by Coralie

3 responses to “Still Here

  • Lollie

    I had the most “false” contractions, then nothing with #4. She was 10 days late. But when one 4am morning it was intense and didn’t back off, we went in and when the nurse checked I was 8cm!! My fastest and easiest labour and delivery. So your doing most of the work now, with intervals of rest;) Praying for you and your precious Doodle:)

  • Jodi

    Congratulations!! It is a great day for a birthday, she shares it with my grandma!! Praying that all is well.

    Jodi

  • Kelli mayfieldx

    This post really was great to read today. I am 2 days late with my first. No signs of her coming soon either. So I need patience and flexibility for whatever this is going to look like. I live in the upper u and attend the Kirk also. I looknforward to meeting u eventually!

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