Well, it’s the due date. I’m ready. She’s not here yet. I’m still waiting.
I’ve been more impatient with this pregnancy than with the others, and it got to a point on Thursday and Friday that I was just angry that she wasn’t here yet. This was primarily because of the painfully intense (and yet irregular and thereby inconvenient) contractions I have been having. Knowing that I hadn’t progressed at all, I kept feeling as if all the pain was useless, as if I was “suffering” for no purpose at all.
On Sunday our pastor preached on Matthew 16:21-23. He phrased Peter’s response to Jesus this way,
“Can’t we have the Kingdom, have this life you’re promising us, without the suffering and the pain?” Doesn’t that just define western contemporary culture? It certainly defines too much of my outlook on life. I was convicted about being angry with my contractions. They are serving a purpose. At the end of this I will have a beautiful daughter who has been created uniquely by God for specific good works. That’s certainly worth a few contractions, isn’t it?
Finally, I was further chastened when I was informed in my weekly exam today that I have in fact dilated to 2 cm. “I guess those contractions are starting to do their job.” he said to me, unaware that he was being a further voice of the Holy Spirit to me.
So I wait out the irregular contractions, hoping that this one will be the beginning of the real thing, and I am reminded of Romans 8:21-23
. . . the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22For we know that(B) the whole creation(C) has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have(D) the firstfruits of the Spirit,(E) groan inwardly as(F) we wait eagerly for adoption as sons,(G) the redemption of our bodies.
The pain of this world, just like the pain of my contractions, is not useless. It reminds us that this world is not our permanent state. Unlike the pregnant woman who is waiting to deliver someone else, the pain of this world reminds us that we are the ones waiting to be delivered into a perfect kingdom.
I’m waiting to deliver the snickerdoodle.
I’m waiting to be delivered.
I’m still here.