For years when parents complained of sleeplessness I had simultaneously sinful responses: “If I get to be a mother, I won’t ever complain. I will also teach my children to sleep.”
So God decided to give me three bad sleepers as children, and the snickerdoodle is the worst of the three. The cheesedoodle is the best, by far, and he’s a sleeping champ now. The girls, however . . .
Monday night was a doozy for me. The cheesedoodle, always tired on Mondays, had been woken a little after 6 by his big sister who has been waking around 5:45 for three weeks. At 6:15 Monday evening he climbed into bed and said good night. I didn’t hear a peep from him after that, and what was in my mind was: “6:15 is when he’ll wake tomorrow morning. Oh well, the mackerdoodle will already be up.” and I sighed. By 8:45, when neither of my girls had fallen asleep and both were having their age appropriate levels of mental break down, I completely lost it. I snapped. I couldn’t take it any more. I felt like climbing into my own bed and leaving them to fend for themselves until their father got home from work.
Eventually I found out that the mackerdoodle – extrovert extraordinaire – hasn’t been sleeping because she is lonely, now that she has her own bedroom and no roommate yet. I put her on the couch in the cheesedoodle’s room and within minutes she was snoring. The snickerdoodle still wasn’t having any of it, until Jonathan arrived home an hour and a half early from work and within minutes she was asleep under his influence.
My nerves felt all bunched together. My stomach was churning. I had 90000 things to finish and it was already almost 10 pm.
Jonathan prayed for me, and in that prayer he said, “Our children are an answer to prayer beyond what we had hoped, but even answers to prayers are tainted with sin. . .”
Oh how I needed to hear that. Even an answer to prayer is tainted with sin in this fallen world. The fact that I couldn’t handle being a mama for a moment has no bearing on the fact that my children are a wonderful blessing and I thank the Lord for them. Having a hard evening doesn’t nullify the miracle.
Whatever you’re praying for right now, hear this: when the Lord gives he gives us so much that it boggles the mind and it overwhelms our hearts and our minds. But it will still come to you with the curse of sin in a fallen world. There will be moments that you will want to hand the abundance back to the Lord. That doesn’t change the blessing, it’s just the reality of answered prayer in a fallen world.