We have no internet access in our residence, so I am randomly typing out thoughts I will try to post as I get random access to internet.
June 2, 2013
We have no internet access, which is both frustrating and very cathartic. We find ourselves unable to make plans from how to dress, to will we drive to a playground, because we don’t have a weather forecast at our fingertips. Several times I have thought, “Oh I could just shoot an email” or “I should check that on-line” and been unable to. We had the same experience at the end of the summer last summer, but for a week, instead of a month, and I wasn’t working yet. It’s a little more sticky this time, but not untenable. I am relieved at how little we miss it, to be honest, and at how practical our uses for the internet seem to be, when we have them, rather than recreational. The children haven’t mentioned Netflix yet.
Being here, but still working in St. Louis is a strange sensation. Jonathan is able to devote himself entirely to the task at hand. He is present, here in rural New Brunswick, with all of himself invested. I, however, remain of a divided mind. I am physically present here, but while I am here, I am preparing for my return to St. Louis and I have tasks I must complete before I get back in order to be able to do my job well when I do. To pile complexity upon conflicted emotions, one of the tasks upon which I am working while I am gone is a tool to aid my unnamed, as yet hypothetical, replacement who will take this job when Jonathan graduates next summer. It is another reminder that nothing about this stage of our lives is permanent.
I am seeing the same thing in the eyes of the church here, too. They are very friendly, and very welcoming, but the exhaustion in the eyes of some of the people reminds me that this church has been in transition for a long time, and they are tired of investing and saying goodbye, as well. They have the same yearning for permanency that I do, but they don’t have a set date upon which they can set their gaze. I am praying the Lord will fill this pulpit soon. In the meantime, I pray we will be some respite for them.
June 5, 2013
This would have been an excellent night for blogging – had I access to internet. Jonathan and the mackerdoodle are at prayer meeting and I am at home with the younger doodles, both of whom are feverish. So it is 7:15 and they are both asleep; although it is that shallow, restless sleep of sickness when one is both so desperately in need of sleep and seemingly unable to lay hold of it completely. Note to self: the children handle transition by getting sick. This may be something I should anticipate when planning a transition from seminary into the unknown.
It is fascinating living with Jonathan here, where his single minded preoccupation (a state in which he has always, as long as I have loved him, lived) is the word of God and preparation of its exposition. He is happier than he has been in a long time, and I am once more reassured that seminary was the right thing, at the right time. There is, of course, little else here to occupy his mind other than his two passions of family and preaching. This is not a reality of ministry. Were he pastoring, instead of just preaching, he would have less pleasant weights to drag at his attention. But for right now, this is the perfect opportunity to refuel him for that final push into the last year of seminary.